Finding Love at the Lost and Found

My brother’s daughter Angie was born 47 years ago.  All I knew about her back then was that she was considered a mistake and something that our family did not speak about to anyone. After the initial upheaval of this event, it was like it never happened. I was a young teenager busy with my own life and didn’t ask any questions.

 My brother Tom was smart, funny, creative and irresponsible.  He was tall and blond, handsome and charismatic with a sense of entitlement that kept him supplied with fast cars, pretty girlfriends and a reckless nature that often got him into trouble.  My parents, in an attempt to preserve their upper middle class facade at all costs, somehow kept him from experiencing the consequences of his actions. 

Tom partied like a rock star, but also was an avid tennis player and a gifted artist and musician.  He had a band for many years that enjoyed some local fame. His photography which he pursued for most of his life was astonishingly beautiful.  He spent countless hours observing nature and recording its beauty.  He also taught himself how to make exquisite fine jewelry.  His hobbies were many and varied, and he had endless patience and focus when it came to learning how to do the things he loved.  He rarely seemed to run out of money due to the lucrative family business and his occasional bouts of working there.  He lived life on the edge, but somehow never worked up the courage to meet his daughter.

I married young and was very involved with a family of 4 kids, my husband and our home.  My brother dipped in and out of my life showing up with flair in his latest convertible and often trailing the pretty girlfriend of the moment.  He was like the perennial Peter Pan who wasn’t really interested in growing up.  News of his latest escapades though entertaining were of no particular interest to me.  I was content with my busy life. 

My brother, Tom (upper left) with his band.

Over the years, he started to wear out his welcome with many of his friends who had families of their own.  I could sense a feeling of mild desperation growing in him that he tried to cover up.  But we were not close, and I put it out of my mind.  My father had passed away at the age of 65, but my mom always kept up a good front to the world.  She never left the house without being beautifully dressed and never spoke of anything that wasn’t considered classy.  Having a heart to heart talk about him or anything else of significance was taboo.

Then one day a police officer came to our home. Somehow I knew what he was going to say, but I still had a difficult time comprehending his words.  My tall, handsome, funny and gifted brother had taken his life at the age of 51.  As per my mother’s request, there was no funeral and no real acknowledgement of his passing.  Life was supposed to go on as usual.

Six years later, at the age of 50 my own marriage was over.  After 30 years of living in a big house filled with growing children and their friends and hosting frequent gatherings with my many in-laws, I was now living alone in a small apartment and the silence was deafening.  My 4 children were grown and on their own, and my large family of in-laws, who had been such a significant part of my life, had completely disappeared without as much as a phone call.

I remember sitting at my little kitchen table and feeling very sorry for myself.  And then out of nowhere, I thought of Angie.  I don’t recall if I actually knew her name at that point, but I realized for the first time that somewhere, I had a niece.  I knew it was a crazy thought, but I figured that if I had lost a large portion of family, that perhaps I could also find some.   I managed to locate her mother’s address and worked up the courage to send her a letter asking permission to meet her daughter.  I don’t remember if Angie’s mother wrote to me or called, but she did show my letter to her daughter.  I think we were all a bit apprehensive, but Angie was an adult and wanted to meet me. 

Several weeks later, Angie came to see me.  I had prepared carefully for our meeting, gathering the best of Tom’s legacy to give to her.  I knew that she had never met him and might have many questions.  I wanted to share good memories and funny stories about him, but also to show her evidence of his great artistic gifts.  I had gathered some of his best photography and some of the beautiful jewelry he had made to give to her along with many family photos. 

Angie was tall, blond and beautiful and looked much like my brother. Our first meeting was exciting and emotional. I was most surprised by her strong, confident and loving spirit.  She seemed to appreciate the good things that I shared about him, and we discovered that many of his gifts and talents were things that came naturally to her also.  I think it gave both of us some sense of peace.

Angie and I have kept in touch through occasional visits and letters over the years, and I have come to see more and more that she embodies the best of us.  She is gentle and kind and reminds me of the story of the phoenix rising from the ashes.  She is deeply spiritual and shines her inner light on all who are fortunate to know her. She has her own lovely family of two handsome blond boys and a wonderful husband.  They don’t live close enough for us to visit, but once in awhile they vacation at the lake in Wisconsin where she grew up.    

Angie was at her stepfather’s side when he passed away in June.  I knew she was planning on vacationing nearby at the end of July, but figured that she was probably exhausted by the events of the last couple of months.  I didn’t think she would have the time or the energy to visit, and I was temporarily without a car.  But she surprised me by driving up to spend a day with us at Golden Lake bringing her two young sons.  One of them is an accomplished musician, singer and songwriter, and he brought his guitar along to play for us. Hearing his sweet voice while he so expertly strummed his guitar brought tears to my eyes and a warmth to my heart that cannot be described. 

My former husband and I have made peace with our past over the years and he spends weekends here at the lake enjoying our ever expanding family, but I never imagined all those years ago, that I would be sharing a day with my brother’s daughter, surrounded by my own dear family and seeing his grandchildren laughing and playing with mine.  It was a glorious day filled with love, laughter, good food, stories of the past and present and so much hope for the future.  It was truly a celebration of life and of making the best of it.  Clearly in the big picture, life makes no mistakes when you allow yourself to remain open to love.

As Angie was leaving she joked about how she and her sons were thinking of starting a new business called “Rent a Grandma” for those that were lacking a loving elder.  I think I might know someone that could be a perfect fit!