For Love of Mary

Back in high school I used to hang around with a family that lived in a subdivision that was mostly undeveloped farmland.  They had 8 beautiful acres of land complete with a barn and several horses.  It was a large family of 3 boys and 5 girls.  The oldest, Denny was in his 20's.  I was enamored of this family that was so different from my own and often spent summer days there, sometimes riding one of the horses bareback or helping with odd jobs like nailing shingles on the barn roof or hauling hay.  Their mom had passed away unexpectedly several years before I met them, but it was obvious that their dad made sure their lives were busy and filled with family fun.

We often traveled in packs going from activities at their home, to a local pizza hangout or one of several dance halls that featured live rock bands.  I had a couple of dates with Denny and was good friends with one of his sisters, but we were all at a pivotal point in our lives and soon after went our separate ways.

I married in 1967 at the age of 20 and heard that Denny married in 1969.  I lost touch with them over the years, caught up in my own family of 4 kids and a family business.  I  remember hearing that Denny's wife, Mary had a form of epilepsy that resulted in petite mal seizures and that they had a son and a daughter.   I heard no more for another 10 years.

Mary

Denny and Mary

In 1979, I received the chilling news that Denny's wife, Mary had opted to have a brain surgery that could cure her epilepsy.  It had gone horribly wrong and she was in a coma. At the time, their daughter Megan was 5 years old and their son Michael was 12.  They lived in another state and as most people do when they hear bad news about others, I felt badly for them but probably preferred not to think about it.  As it turned out, Mary was in a coma for over 7 years before she died.

I have no idea how people handle situations like this, especially when there are young children involved.  But I have recently and unexpectedly had the opportunity to ask these questions and the answers have given me a new perspective on what it means to truly love and to show up for life everyday....no matter what.

My daughter convinced me to join her at a party that her friend's mom was having this past September.  At the last minute I decided to go but to try to sit close to the door in order to escape.  Introverts tend to plan this way.  I nervously entered their beautiful home filled with lots of noisy, happy people.  There was lively music and tables laden with delicious food and I started to feel the urge to head back out the door....never being adept at party conversations.  Then across the room a familiar pair of eyes met mine.  I was immediately swept into a wonderful hug by Denny and 45 years fell away in an instant. The rest of the evening was spent catching up as we shared how our lives had turned out over the years.
 
Denny and I have remained good friends and in the past couple of months he has been able to share with me what it was like raising his 5 year old daughter, Megan and 12 year old son, Michael while Mary was in a coma and the years after she passed.  What it's like to have to come home and tell your children that their mom will never wake up.  What it's like being both mom and  dad all of those years, and how devastating it is to say that final goodbye even when you know it's inevitable.  Mary passed away the day before Megan's twelfth birthday.

I have since been fortunate to witness the beautiful relationship between  Denny and his daughter Megan.  Megan is all of the things that Denny says Mary was......spunky, pretty and loving.  Megan often says that her dad is her best friend which anyone can see when they are together.  Denny's sense of humor that has always been his trademark shines through in their conversations  They both share a deep love of music and languages.  I often hear tales of their favorite fishing trips and large extended family gatherings.  Megan and her husband have a son and a daughter and go out of their way to make you feel welcome in their home.  I have not met Michael as he lives far away, but I am willing to bet that he is as wonderful as his sister.

I am in awe of the power of love to overcome and triumph in the face of tragedy and for this reason really wanted to paint a portrait for them to honor Denny for being an awesome dad and Megan for being the kind of daughter that must be making Mary so very proud.  It seems that the love of Mary has touched me as well.

Megan and her dad, Denny on her wedding day.