My Curiosity Driven Life

My Painting of Donna and Dude

Some people are born with a passion for something and know it.  I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be drawing or painting.  My mom recognized this in me and nurtured it....keeping me supplied with crayons, paper and eventually paints and canvases.  For some strange reason, I was not encouraged to study art with anyone but to develop my own style.  Not being a child who made waves about anything, I proceeded to teach myself how to paint. Part of me always expected that I would become a successful artist. I had no idea what that meant, but I figured it would work itself out in time.

Many decades later, I paint in a style that could be loosely described as emotional realism.  I am drawn to painting people. I often get so lost in capturing their true essence that I feel like I know them...even if we've never met.  I suppose that 50 hours of staring at someone's image could make you think that you really know who they are, but it's just my interpretation in the end.  I find that each time I paint, I fall in love with the process and the face.  The mere act of creation brings me connection and joy.

There is a darker side to being born with a passion.....a nagging voice that tells you that you must make something of yourself in the process and if you don't become successful and famous, you have wasted your talent.  Much of my life I have beaten myself up over this, as if I had to prove that I was worthy of the gift.  The problem was that life kept getting in the way.  I wanted to make up for what seemed like a lonely childhood by marrying young and having 4 children.  Through it all, I still managed to paint.... using my kids often as subjects but other things often lured me in different directions.  I loved to play the piano, take photographs, downhill ski, swim, sail, knit, read, write, kayak, walk dogs, do yoga, garden, cook, watch sunsets, gaze at the stars, run off to the mountains and build a log cabin and sometimes just lie in a hammock. I still do most of these things...although I haven't run off and built any cabins lately.

I will soon be 68 years old and many hundreds of paintings later, some sold, some given away and some burned.....it has occurred to me, that I am not successful by the standards of the commercial art world.  This thought made me feel like a bit of a failure, until I heard a short talk by Elizabeth Gilbert the author of Eat, Pray, Love.  The title of her talk was “The Fight of the Hummingbird – The Curiosity Driven Life.” It was an epiphany for me.  It was actually directed to those who felt like they hadn't found a passion. It was about having the gift of curiosity instead....a curiosity that allows you to savor the moment and enjoy many different paths in your journey through life.  I know that my endless curiosity often gets in the way of following my passion.

I felt a huge weight lift off of me and smiled at all of the paths I have taken that perhaps didn't lead me to the big elusive prize but to all of the glorious and delicious small gifts that life has offered me along the way.  I was....and continue to be curious and often passionate.

In honor of my new outlook on painting, I grabbed a tiny 6" square canvas and spent a couple of days painting a surprise for a Facebook friend.  I may not have a studio right now or lots of hours to devote to creating masterpieces, but I can definitely get into the flow with a tiny canvas in my lap and enjoy the hell out of it.  

So here it is, Donna and Dude and it's coming your way soon.  I feel like I know you.....even though we never met.  And may we all stay curious because that's where the juices flow and passion is often found.

Original photo of Donna and Dude